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I remember my skin in my darkest days. Acne. Dullness. Dark circles. Dryness. Black heads. My skin was just so difficult. Or at least, that's how I felt everything was at that point.
My skin has always reflected how I felt. It was always the reflection of my mental space.
If I felt bad, my skin was bad. If I felt good, my skin look and felt healthy and radiant.
I have spent years in depression, not taking care of myself. Neglecting my body and not eating the right food or the right amount. Not having positive thoughts or things to say about myself.
I could not see the light of the tunnel as the mountain of worries and anxiety weighed on me until I couldn't breathe, clawing my way out so I can be a mother to my children and a wife to my husband.
My skin has always reflected how I felt. It was always the reflection of my mental space.
Those years when I looked at myself in the mirror, I did not like who I was, and yet, I was looking for someone to blame.
I remember those years when I didn't take care of myself, simply because I didn't want to. "For what?" I used to think "there's no purpose."
The truth was that I truly felt unworthy. Therefore, I didn't take care of myself and by extension, did not take care of my skin.
But as much as I wanted to hide this depression it was obvious to my family. My kids can see it. My husband tried all he could to help me.
I realized that with the help of the world, nothing can heal me or bring me peace. Nothing could bring me happiness, not the smile of my children, not the sweet hug of my loving husband, not the sun shining on my face. It would make me feel good for a while, but internally, I was broken, I was hurt and I had a lot of healing to do.
I had to get out of this tornado of pain, regret and resentment. I wanted to be happy.
Me making this decision was decisive. I was the first step of my self healing. I am still on the journey, still healing, but I can honestly say that I have never felt this good in my entire life.
Thank God.
I will keep sharing my journey to self healing. Stay tuned for that!
moms of the future
Finding inner peace and healing through past traumas wasn't an easy task. Little changes and small habits had a tremendous positive impact on my overall health. Skin care was a way for me to tell myself, "I am worthy, I am beautiful, I deserve to take care of myself." My entire self got the memo and the gears of happiness began moving.
How I neglected my skin for years
Through my depression, I did not have a skincare routine, (words like a routine were a trigger to me). Sometimes I went to sleep without even washing my face. This is a very common aspect of depression that reflects through self-neglect and the inability to take simple actions such as cleaning the face, brushing teeth, or changing clothes to go out and run errands. I know for me my skincare and hair suffered the most, (but I will dedicate another post to hair care.)
My skin suffered from my negligence.
On some of the days that I would feel okay, I would wash my face with soap and lather up some coconut oil. And that was it. And I did that for years. It took me years to realize that coconut oil was the worst oil for my skin as it breaks me out and soap dehydrates my already dry and sensitive skin. Adding to this is a very poor diet and no exercise.
I did not know what I was doing, and at times, I thought that was enough. Honestly, it might be enough for some people with natural healthy, beautiful skin. My mother did the minimum and I had never seen such clear skin my entire life. But I don't have her skin, mine needs care and attention, and so I began to do so.
How my Skincare journey started
I remember exactly the day that I've decided to start a skincare routine. I was randomly scrolling through Youtube and I clicked on Jeanie Mai video in which she explained her skincare routine. I remember she said something that really stuck with me; it was along the line of "it's never too late to start a skincare routine". Apparently, she started having one in her mid 30's. Which was crazy because 1) I thought she was in her early 30's and 2) really? It's not too late for me?
That day , I have made the decision that I too, would have a skincare routine. I didn't know what to use or where I was going to start, but I would start taking care of my skin so me too, I can look and feel good. (period.)
From there I did not know where to start. My husband tried to help and bought me a whole set of Shea Moisture facial products. I remember really liking the coconut milk face wash (till this day) but felt underwhelmed by the results.
I went to Sephora and tried some trendy products everyone was raving about only to have my condition worsen. I would also buy something that smelled good and had catchy lines from the drugstore but that same product will break me out few days later.
Quite frankly, it was a little bit discouraging at first.
I wanted to take care of my skin but I just didn't know how. The skincare world is exciting but extremely overwhelming if you don't take the time to learn about it first.
I wanted to take care of my skin but I just didn't know how. The skincare world is exciting but extremely overwhelming if you don't take the time to learn about it first. I made a lot of mistakes to get where I am today.
After bad decisions and dollars wasted, I made the decision to learn about my skin and to just start over, anew.
Learn about Skin
It's not about the destination, it's about the journey. I realized that skincare was a slow process that took time. And if you have sensitive, acne-prone skin like mine, then it takes even longer!
But skincare requires dedication and consistency. Jumping into a Korean 9 step skincare routine, in the beginning, is definitely ambitious but the chances are, you are not going to keep up with it. You can, but not in the beginning.
I took the road of "the less the better" with only focusing on cleansing, moisturizing, and shielding from the sun. Figuring out these three steps alone took me months.
Eventually, I began to understand what my skin liked and disliked, what it needs and doesn't need, and more!
Skincare for me began as a sort of ritual. My night skincare routine calms me down, relieves my body from the long day that I just had and it gets me ready for a good night's sleep. My morning skincare energizes me and gets me ready to take over my day.
From that, skincare became just like brushing my teeth or eating. I have to do it to survive (not really but you get it.) If I didn't do it, I felt so bad that I would drag myself from bed to make sure to do it. And when I woke up to plump, nourished skin in the morning, I would feel so proud that I made that extra effort the night before.
Chose a simple skincare routine
Starting with a very small, simple skincare routine will allow you to understand your skin, what it needs and what it doesn't like. You really need three products, the staple of your skincare journey: a cleanser, a moisturizer, and sunscreen. I have my favorite that you can check out here, but start with these three and build your skincare around your basics.
Keep it simple. Smart simple. Sometimes, I found myself having to reduce my skincare routine to even fewer products because my skin is so freaking sensitive and it breaks out for no reason at all.
I always go back to the basics when I need a break. Here are my favorite products that I suggest to anyone who wishes to start with a skincare routine.
Vanicream Gentle Facial Cleanser
From my experience, I would say start with a simple cleanser. Some can strips your skin and leaves it dry and dehydrated, other contains actives which can be good but also too aggressive for your skin.
Vanicream is one of my all time favorite. Its Fragrance Free, lathers well and leave my skin clean and refreshed.
Vanicream Moisturizing Cream
Choose a simple moisturizer that answers to your skin specific needs. Some can be too oily for me and other too light that I have to add another layer.
Vanicream Moisturizing Cream is my holy grail. It can be used for the entire body, no fragrance. It has a beautiful consistency, thick but light.
Black Girl Sunscreen For Kids SPF 50
I fell in love with this sunscreen because I need a chemical one that doesn't burn my eyes. This one is the best, light, protective and affordable. I suggest the one for kids because it doesn't contain fragrance.
This sunscreen contains Shea Butter, Avocado and Jojoba Oil. It's a must for a healthy skin!
Skincare is Selfcare
I learned that my small efforts have an impact on my health, my well being, on my purpose.
Moms of the future
Skincare felt like one of the few things in my life that I can control. It also felt like a challenge of patience. It taught me dedication and consistency. I gained confidence that spread in other areas of my life.
Full disclosure: I don't claim to have perfect skin. It is still a work in progress to repair years of neglect but I am working on it and seeing great results. So wherever you are right now, you can start today, right now. I am not saying that you get results overnight but sooner or later, you will realize that you have a glow, and that glow is your inner self shining and thanking you for caring, for seeing your worth because you deserve this.
Skincare is a journey
My journey to self-healing is long and bumpy. There is not one size fits all when it comes to finding inner peace. But the second I decided that I needed to take care of myself, my entire being got the memo and it gave me the energy and dedication I need to heal.
The second I began taking care of my skin, I started practicing yoga. I also began eating healthier. I made more eco-friendly choices and learned to be kinder to myself and my environment.
Little things can have huge impacts when it comes to the changes we need to make to life a more fulfilling life. Don't give up, keep going.
"Souris à la vie et la vie te sourira" is a french saying that says "Smile to life and life will smile back at you."
I wish you the best on your self-care journey.